First. Why do you want the grilled cheese? Are you hungry, bored, or just curious? Can you be serious about the process or will you goof off and ruin it? If you can't take my recipe seriously then just leave now. I'm waiting, just go. For those of you foodies left get ready for some awesomeness with cheese.
Here is why I wanted a grilled cheese:
I recently went to Which Wich (sandwich shop) to order myself some dinner. I salivate at the though of a Which Wich sandwich because a) they actually have Cheez Whiz on the menu b) you can add garlic to your sandwich c)garlic and cheese whiz need no other excuse. So I moseyed about 10 minutes out of my way (by mosey i mean drove 75mpg on the toll road) and braved the frigid temperatures to get my sandwich. F-ers were closed. How pissed off was I? Very, but then i got distracted by the woman wearing her pajamas, a bathrobe and slippers walking into the Baskin Robbins muttering something about an ice cream emergency. Back to being pissed off. I was and all the way home i was wondering what ever was I going to do about dinner. I got home and started to reheat some Olive Garden pasta from two nights before. Meh. pasta does not reheat well. Scouring the cabinet i see Sliced Wheat bread. Gears start turning.. Do I? YES! I have sliced cheese and butter. Hells yeah I'm having me some grilled cheese.
On to the Recipe!!! Recipe Ho! (not an actual recipe ho but like if you were saying Tally Ho!)
Ingredients:
- Bread. You are pretty much screwed if you don't have this. White or Wheat sliced bread works the best. you can use the grunchy granola kind that has wheat chunks in it but I wouldn't recommend that because really Why?
- Sliced Cheese. 2 SLICES. Not one, 2. You are pretty much screwed if you don't have this. Totally screwed if you also don't have bread. I used sliced American cheese because that is what i've grown up eating. You can also use Cheddar or some other foreign cheeses that can be sliced and melted. Don't use Gouda - it doesn't really work well or at all actually. Tastes good with pretzels though!
- Butter. Guess what? Screwed if don't have. blah blah. Real stick butter is the best - don't get all health nutty about it - just use the real stuff. You want it to actually taste good don't you? I like to leave my butter out for about 10 minutes before I start so it is soft enough to spread on the bread. Don't leave it out uncovered though or it might attract diseases.
- Extra Ingredients that are permitted for use: Garlic (duh), Tomatoes (if you must) Ham (then it's a Croque Monsieur and not a grilled cheese) Brocolli (haha just kidding. actually not permitted).
(interesting side note: the above image was viewed 24 times on flickr within 5 minutes of me posting it. It's a mystery as to why on earth that happened. I think it broke flickr)- If you can't tell from the picture you need a stove top. Preferably one that works. Now that's not to say other options wouldn't work. I just happen to know that a stove top cooks the bread more uniformly than say a lighter or a candle. Also much faster.
- A Spatula of some sort. I have a plastic one. I think it came from a toy chef set. It melts. It melted onto my food once. I didn't throw it away though. It still has functionality. Metal ones work well too but make sure you don't scratch your fancy griddle pan. Oh, and don't accidentally hit yourself in the face with it when it has butter on it. Cause then you get butter on your face and people look at you strangely. Yes, I am actually speaking from experience.
- A Griddlevor Skillet. Mine is from a garage. Not a garage sale. Just a garage. It works awesome. I did have to use a screwdriver on it before cooking this feast. The handle was coming off. It's dangerous to have a loose handle on cooking utensils. Don't get lazy with your stuff!
- Not pictured: Knife, plate, appetite.
1. Start buttering your bread. Butter it real nice like. Don't think you know how to butter bread. because you don't. The trick is to cover the bread entirely with butter from edge to edge (not counting the outside crusts, that would be stupid). Edge to edge butterage allows for the most intense grilling. I've seen a lot of rookie mistakes made at this stage. If you don't fully cover the bread you will not be making a true grilled cheese. It will in fact be an impostor and you could get sued for impersonating a chef. Butter one side of each slice then move on to step 2.
2. Turn on your stove burner. Set it just above low and just just below medium. you don't want it too hot or it will dictate your grilled cheese's grill-ness factor. Don't let it do that. Don't be submissive to your burner. Alpha male that beast.3. Now - turn your two slices of bread over so that the butter side is down. What? Do I imaginarily hear you disagreeing with me? Hey, I didn't ask you to read this recipe (wait, i did probably) but you know what I mean. You are supposed to be taking this seriously. No ad libbing because you are lazy or because Grandma made it different. You will do this. Butter side down you will now butter the remaining two sides of breads.
4. Place the two slices butter side down... (just checking to see if you were paying attention - all sides are butter side down!). While the first sides are browning go ahead and unwrap your cheese slices. Don't place the slices directly on the plate as they will stick and you will have a battle on your hands in a few minutes. Place the unwrapped slices back on the wrappers. Smart eh?
5. Check your bread after a minute or so - if you start to see smoke you may have waited to long and it's possibly burning. Burned Grilled Cheese not so good (unless you are into that sort of thing. Weirdo). 
If it is a nice golden brown color you may flip.6. Place one cheese slice in the corner of a piece of flipped bread. Break the other slice in half and cover the remaining exposed pieces of bread (same piece as first slice). This permits total cheese coverage. Coverage is the word of the recipe. Now is also a good time to add any of the permitted extra ingredients.
7. Check the bread after another minute. If it is starting to look brown then smoosh the two pieces of bread together. You just made a sandwich! You can start to imagine what the finished product will look like (really cause it's mostly finished and if you can't imagine then your imagination really sucks)8. Flip the sandwich for a bit until the bread has reached a satisfactory golden brown color. When you are happy with the coloring use your spatula to carefully pick up the sandwich and gently slide it on to a plate. Don't use your fingers - stuff is hot and cheese might burn you. You really don't want to have to go to the hospital with third degree cheese burns. Totally embarrassing.
9. You can now cut into the grilled cheese and watch it do that awesome thing where the cheese separates in slow motion as it drips down. Yeah, I could never make it do that. Add some good chips or a bowl of soup and you are good to go. Oh! Bonus Tip!!! For extra cheesy gooey-ness put the sandwich in the microwave for about 10 seconds. This melts the cheese just a bit more. Yum.
Enjoy!Grilled Cheese Recipe Preparation Q&A:
Q: How many purple plates did you use to prepare your grilled cheese?
A: 3.
Q: Was your grilled cheese good?
A: Insulting question. Of course it was good, jeez. Sometimes they are so good that I don't want to eat them because then they'll be done and I won't be able to eat them anymore. Makes me sad.
Q: Can I use pumpernickel bread?
A: Go away.
I like how you can make a grilled cheese sandwich sound all complicated.
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